“Give more than you take” is a phrase we use with students and families at Chrysalis, our charter school, to describe a path of action we hope each member will learn to walk along. As with all paths, however, you can walk along it in either direction so that following the path of “Give more than you take” can lead one away from the destination we had in mind. We had some parents who started keeping score and we had others afraid to ask for help. The phrase created a Puritan gloom for some. So here are some mid-course reflections I’m developing to share with families this upcoming school year.
It is all right to take. All life must take. The osprey takes the fish from the lake. A plant takes the nitrogen from the soil. Cells take oxygen and sugar from the blood. “Give more than you take” is not a condemnation of taking. Rather, it is a focusing on the balance between giving and taking.
In vibrant communities, what one gives back is different from what one takes. In a money-centered society, however, this phrase can conjure up images of debt that requires repayment in the same currency. But in the greater world of both economic and ecological transactions, what makes a community thrive is the unique gifts each member contributes. Plants take carbon dioxide; they give back oxygen. The earth would be in trouble if we required plants to give back more carbon dioxide than they take. We are best able to give in our areas of strengths or abundances. We are most likely to need and take in our areas of weaknesses or limitations. Therefore, it is very important within a community to not limit someone’s “repayment” to the currency of the taking. Allow the gift to come from elsewhere. These unique differences are what creates synergies that can lead to so much more than mere “repayment in kind” can ever achieve.
Taking and receiving are two different acts. Concern about “taking” can sometimes hinder the joy of receiving which sabotages another person’s joy of giving. Think of times when you’ve given the perfect gift to someone you care about. How do you wish that person to receive the gift? Certainly not with any tinge of guilt about “taking.” Certainly not with a “Oh no, this is such a wonderful gift. How am I ever going to repay you?” Instead you hope the person receives the gift fully with great delight and tender feelings. It would be a tragedy if “give more than you take” prevented one from being able to receive.
Perhaps a way to distinguish “receiving” from “taking” is that in receiving, the giver initiates the interaction. In taking, the taker initiates the interaction. An example of such taking would be “My mother is sick and I need help getting the kids to school. Can you please help?” (I use this example to emphasize the naturalness and the all rightness of taking.) However, the magic that perhaps can happen is that if a community builds up enough trust within itself so that individuals know that the members give more than they take, then “taking” can blur into the joy of “receiving”. The parent whose mother is sick can receive with deep appreciation and tenderness the support of the community because there is no doubt in either her mind or the minds of the givers’ that in some magic way, she will return the gift in her own special way. The community will be doubly enriched by the exchange.
To summarize, “give more than you take” describes a relative balance within a community. There are two ways to maintain such a balance. A community can emphasize a minimum of taking: self-sufficient, rugged individualists. This leads to a collection of people with few interactions, little synergy. Or a community can emphasize giving in a wonderful diversity of ways. This is the direction we see nature taking and this is the direction we hope Chrysalis moves towards.
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